In this episode, we’re going deep with therapist and hardcore feminist Pam Rothman, LPC. Pam shares her journey from crappy boundaries to being a boundary-setting pro, all while tackling burnout and prioritizing self-care.
We chat about why saying no is the ultimate power move and how societal expectations mess with our mental health. Whether you’re overwhelmed, burnt out, or just need some practical advice on setting boundaries, this episode’s got you covered.
Self-care has become a buzzword, splashed across Instagram feeds and commercialized into candle hauls and Sunday spa routines.
But in this episode, therapist and feminist Pam Rothman, LPC, reminds us that self-care isn’t a passing trend. It’s a necessary act of self-respect and survival, especially for those in helping professions and people-pleasing cycles.
Let’s get into a few of the takeaways from our conversation, and unpack why self-care needs to move beyond the superficial.
Self-Care is a Political Act
Pam shared with us early in the episode that real self-care isn’t always pretty. It’s often uncomfortable, boundary-pushing, and sometimes radical.
The concept of self-care actually has activist roots. Audre Lorde famously wrote:
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”
That’s especially true for women and people in caregiving or emotionally labor-intensive roles. If you’re always pouring into others and never pausing to ask what you need, you’re being sucked dry.
So when Pam asks, “Where do you fall on your own list?”, that’s not just a reflective exercise. That’s a wake-up call.
Boundaries Aren’t About Them, They’re About You
One of the most powerful shifts to practice is to stop seeing boundaries as something you’re doing to other people. They’re about protecting your energy, not punishing others.
Your boundary isn’t a weapon, it’s a responsibility.
Setting boundaries means you’re paying attention to your own bandwidth. And yes, guilt might show up when you start setting them. But guilt is a signal, not a stop sign.
Pam said it best:
“Sometimes the guilt decreases. Sometimes it doesn’t. Do it anyway.”
If You’re Not On the List, You Can’t Complain About the List
This might be a bit of tough love, but it’s something we both believe in. You can’t keep putting yourself last and expect to function like you’re first.
When Pam does her “list” exercise with clients, asking them to literally write down who and what comes first in their lives, it often leads to tears.
Because most of the time, people don’t even put themselves on the list.
Self-Care Starts at 10 Minutes a Day
We talked about how trendy self-care can feel overwhelming. Everyone’s telling you to meditate, eat clean, journal, do yoga, read five books, and still sleep eight hours.
Start smaller. Start scrappier.
Ten minutes a day is enough to shift your nervous system.
Whether it’s a walk, a cry in the car, or 10 quiet minutes with your coffee, those small moments count. In fact, those “minimum viable care” moments build the foundation for resilience.
Saying No is a Superpower
If you wait to feel confident before you say no, you’ll be stuck forever.
The first time I told someone no just for my own well-being, I felt physically ill. Sweaty. Anxious. Panicked.
But then?
Relief. Peace. The feeling of coming home to yourself.
You don’t ow anyone an explanation. No is a complete sentence.
And the people who get it? They’re your people. The rest will deal, or they won’t, and that’s okay.
What You Can Do Today
Here’s some simple things you can do today to apply the insights from this episode immediately:
- Make a self-care menu in your phone of 10-minute things that help you feel like you again.
- Do the list exercise. Who or what is on your priority list? Where are you?
- Practice one small no this week without apology or explanation.
- Check in with how guilt shows up when you care for yourself. Where did that guilt come from? Who taught it to you?
You don’t need to hit a breaking point to justify taking care of yourself. Actually, self-care is how you prevent the spiral in the first place.
Pam brought so much wisdom, humor, and heart to this conversation. If you haven’t listened het, go back and catch the full episode. Especially if you’ve been quietly questioning whether you’re allowed to put yourself first.
(You are, by the way. And it’s time.)
Connect with Pam on Instagram.
Got thoughts or questions from this week’s episode? Drop them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you! 🫶
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00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:41 Meet Pam: Trauma and Eating Disorders Therapist
01:42 Icebreaker: What Are You Loving Right Now?
03:24 Pam’s Journey with Boundaries and Burnout
05:19 The Importance of Boundaries
07:51 Reframing Boundaries and Overcoming Guilt
09:46 Societal Expectations and Women’s Health
16:21 Self-Care and Rebuilding Capacity
19:17 Saying No and Setting Boundaries
24:47 Balancing Life and Being a Badass
28:38 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
I’m Tara Kermiet, a leadership coach specializing in burnout prevention and work-life integration. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re holding it all together with duct tape and coffee. But success doesn’t have to mean running yourself ragged. I help high achievers find work-life balance and shine as badass leaders.
👉 Take my quick quiz to find out where you stand on the burnout spectrum, plus get tailored tips to help you turn things around before it’s too late. Visit: https://tarakermiet.com/free-resources/
😍 If we’re not friends yet on social media, why the heck not? Follow me on Instagram (@TaraKermiet) and/or LinkedIn (@TaraKermiet) so we can stay connected!
🎤 Got a question, a topic you want me to cover, or just want to share your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you! Send me a DM or email.
Stay balanced, stay badass, and make good choices!
Disclaimer: My content is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. For serious concerns, please consult a qualified provider.
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