In this episode, we get into the dangerous cultural norm of equating our worth with our work.
We’ve become people defined by our job titles and productivity, fostering burnout and identity crises. By exploring the roots of this work-centric ideology, we uncover how to separate who we are from what we do.
Let’s find out how to reclaim our identities beyond our resumes and build burnout-resistant lives.
Let’s get something straight… Your job is not your identity. It never was.
But in a culture that glorifies productivity and professional achievement, it’s easy to forget that.
Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped being people who do jobs and started being people who are our jobs.
Our names come second to our titles. Our worth gets tallied in productivity metrics. Our boundaries blur until burnout feels like the cost of entry.
This post is for anyone who’s ever wondered, “If I’m not this job, then who am I?”
When Work Becomes Who You Are
From the time we’re little, we’re taught that being useful equals being worthy. We’re rewarded for productivity, praised for being responsible, and nudged into chasing excellence.
Over time, that message gets tangled with our identity:
Do well → Be good. Be productive → Be valuable.
Eventually, we’re told to “follow our passion,” but what that often really means is, “Find your purpose in your work. Make it everything.”
So we do—especially those of us in people-focused, mission-driven, or leadership roles. We start living as our job. Not doing the work, but being the role.
This phenomenon is so common it has a name. Historian Benjamin Hunnicutt calls it workism. It’s the belief that work is not just how we earn a living, but how we find meaning, purpose, and identity.
It’s become the dominant cultural script in Western economies. And it’s burning people out.
What Happens When Your Job Becomes Your Identity
When you tie your sense of self too tightly to your role, the emotional consequences run deep.
At first, it feels motivating. Maybe even affirming. But when your job becomes your only anchor, every shake in that foundation feels like a threat to your entire self.
A performance review doesn’t just sting; it destabilizes. A slow quarter, a tough boss, a restructure, or even just an off day at work can leave you feeling untethered.
That’s because your self-worth is no longer resilient. It’s fragile. And it’s entirely dependent on things outside your control.
Let’s look at a few of the psychological dynamics at play:
- Self-Discrepancy Theory: This is the mental tug-of-war between who you are and who you think you should be. The wider that gap grows, the more distress, shame, and self-doubt you feel.
- Role Engulfment: This happens when one role drowns out all the others. You stop thinking of yourself as a friend, a learner, a partner, an artist, or a human. Everything else shrinks.
- Ego Depletion: When you spend all day shape-shifting to meet expectations, suppressing your real reactions, managing perception, and over-functioning, you drain your emotional and cognitive resources. You don’t just feel tired. You feel hollow.
Holding Up the Mirror
Here’s the moment that hits hardest for many… The job title is gone. The calendar is empty. No one’s asking you for a deliverable. And you don’t know who you are without all of that.
Who are you when no one needs anything from you? Not what do you do. Who are you?
If that question leaves you blank (or maybe even anxious), you’re not alone. Most of us were never taught how to build an identity beyond work. We were taught how to build a résumé, not a whole life.
But you can start rediscovering that part of yourself now.
Rebuilding What’s Lost
This part isn’t sexy. It won’t make your LinkedIn feed. But it’s important. And it’s how you begin to reclaim yourself.
Here’s where you start:
Step 1: Track Where Your Energy Is Going
Look at your calendar. How much of your time is taken up by work, and how much of your identity lives in that calendar?
Are you only showing up in ways that generate output, support others, or reinforce your role?
That’s not judgment. It’s information.
Step 2: Look for What’s Been Starved
What always gets bumped to next week?
Joy? Rest? Movement? Time with people who don’t care what you do for work? Space for curiosity?
Name it. That’s a clue.
Step 3: Think in Buckets, Not Goals
You don’t need to optimize this process. You’re not building a side hustle here. You’re remembering how to be a person.
Think in identity buckets:
- The “me” that loves music.
- The “me” that used to journal every day.
- The “me” that laughs with friends about nothing at all.
15 minutes a week with those parts of yourself is more valuable than another hour on email.
Step 4: Practice Separation
You don’t have to quit your job or hate your job to separate from it. You just need space.
A night with no laptop. A conversation that doesn’t include “work stuff.” A hobby you enjoy without needing to monetize it or post about it.
Your goal isn’t to balance work and life perfectly. It’s to create enough separation that you can breathe.
A Word of Caution: You’ll Want to Rush It
You might be tempted to turn this into a project. To “do it right.” To be good at rediscovering yourself.
That’s the old wiring talking.
This process isn’t about building a shinier version of you. It’s about clearing space to hear your own voice again. And that takes practice. It takes grace.
Sometimes it’ll feel awkward or pointless. Sometimes it’ll feel like grief. Because you’re not just discovering who you are; you’re letting go of who you thought you had to be.
You Are Not Just the Job
You don’t need to torch your career to reclaim your identity. You just need to stop letting your worth ride on something as fragile as productivity.
You’re allowed to care about your work. You’re allowed to lead, to strive, and to make an impact.
But you’re also allowed to rest. To matter even when you’re still. To be enough even when you’re not producing.
You are never just the job. And the more you remember that, the more grounded and human your life becomes.
Got thoughts or questions from this week’s episode? Drop them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you! 🫶
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I’m Tara Kermiet — leadership coach, burnout strategist, and host of The Balanced Badass Podcast®. I help high-achievers and corporate leaders design careers that are successful and sustainable.
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