In this episode, we’re getting into the exhausting performance of the work persona that many of us feel compelled to maintain. Tara shares a heartfelt message about the cost of constantly performing professionalism at the expense of our authentic selves.
Learn how this persistent act can lead to burnout, emotional disconnection, and a loss of self-identity. Discover practical steps to start reclaiming your true self at work and beyond. From breaking performance triggers to making small shifts towards authenticity, get ready to acknowledge and challenge the behavioral armor you’ve built to survive in corporate environments.
Perfect for high achievers tired of playing a role that no longer fits and eager to lead more authentically.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “bring your whole self to work.”
But let’s be honest… most people are just trying to bring the most acceptable version of themselves to work. The version that won’t get side-eyed in meetings, marked as “not a team player,” or left off that high-visibility project.
That curated version? That’s your work persona. And if you’re a high-achiever? It’s probably running the show.
The tricky thing about your work persona is that it doesn’t feel fake. It’s not a mask you take off at 5 p.m. and toss into your work bag.
It’s you… but flattened, filtered, edited. It’s the version of yourself that got all the praise.
The one who’s calm under pressure, always responsive, always prepared. The one who says “Yes, happy to help!” even when your brain is screaming “Girl, you are at capacity.”
And that version of you? She’s impressive. But she’s also exhausted.
So, What Is the Work Persona, Really?
At it’s core, your work persona is a performance; one that was developed for survival and success in environments that didn’t make space for your full humanity.
It’s the version of you that shows up when your nervous system says, “It’s not safe to be completely real here.”
Not safe to say no. Not safe to speak plainly. Not safe to show up tired, discouraged, overwhelmed, or unsure. Not safe to show emotion that can’t be neatly packaged into “I’m just really passionate about our mission.”
And for a while? This persona works. You get promoted. You’re liked. You’re seen as “easy to work with.”
But over time, something starts to shift.
You get tired. You start questioning whether you’re actually seen, or just… managed.
You wonder if the success you’ve earned even belongs to you, or to the version of you that you’ve been performing for years.
And worst of all? You don’t even know how to stop.
Why High Achievers Are Especially Prone to the Trap
The more successful you’ve been, the more likely it is that your work persona has become fused with your identity.
Because if you were rewarded early on for being agreeable, adaptable, and high-performing, you learned to equate performance with safety and identity with output.
You weren’t just praised for what you did. You were praised for how easy you made it for other people to work with you.
And listen, let’s not gloss over the deeper layers here: If you’re a woman, a person of color, neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, or part of any identity that doesn’t fit the traditional leadership mold, the pressure to filter yourself is even higher.
The stakes are different. The consequences for being “too much” or “not enough” are real.
So it’s no wonder that your work persona became second nature. It’s what you had to do to belong.
But belonging that requires you to abandon yourself isn’t actually belonging. It’s assimilation. And assimilation is a slow leak in your sense of self.
How to Tell If Your Work Persona Is Running the Show
You might be in performance mode if:
- You often say yes before you’ve had time to consider if you want to or can.
- You soften your opinions to be more palatable—“Just an idea, but maybe…”
- You feel anxious before meetings, even when you’re not the one presenting.
- You find yourself exhausted after work calls, even if they weren’t stressful.
- You’ve forgotten what it feels like to speak without filtering.
Sound familiar?
This is more than workplace etiquette. This is nervous-system level exhaustion.
When you live in performance mode, your body starts to interpret realness as a threat. And even when the threat isn’t there anymore, your system doesn’t know how to downshift.
So… What Can You Actually Do About It?
If this is resonating hard, you don’t need to burn your life down. You don’t need to storm into your next team meeting and declare, “Surprise, I’ve been faking it for a decade and now I’m just gonna be real.”
You can start small. Here’s how:
Get curious about your triggers.
Start paying attention to the moments when you shift. When do you feel that internal click that says, “Time to perform”?
Who are you with? What are you afraid might happen if you were 10% more honest?
Start with low-stakes honesty.
You don’t have to be radically transparent everywhere. Just pick one moment each day to be slightly more real.
“I need time to think about that.”
“I’m actually overwhelmed right now.”
“I don’t agree, and here’s why.”
These aren’t breakdowns. These are boundaries.
Interrupt the automatic yes.
When someone makes a request… pause.
Try saying, “Let me check my workload and get back to you.”
That one line changes everything. It disrupts the reflex to over-accommodate and gives you time to assess with intention.
Reconnect with your real voice.
If you’re not sure what “authentic” even sounds like anymore, that’s okay. You’ve been living in translation.
Start journaling. Start talking to a friend without the filter. Notice where your energy feels natural vs. effortful.
Work with someone who can help you unmask safely.
Unlearning years of performance isn’t a solo gig. If this feels overwhelming, work with a coach who understands the cost of disconnection and can walk with you through the process of rediscovering your leadership identity from the inside out.
You Don’t Have to Keep Pretending
You don’t have to choose between being respected and being real.
You don’t have to keep shrinking, softening, editing, and accommodating in order to be seen as “professional.”
And you definitely don’t have to stay stuck in a version of success that only works if you keep pretending.
You get to want more. You get to lead differently. You get to be whole.
And you don’t have to wait for permission.
Got thoughts or questions from this week’s episode? Drop them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you! 🫶
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00:00 Introduction and Personal Struggles
00:50 The Monday Morning Scenario
02:58 The Work Persona Unveiled
05:39 Origins of the Work Persona
09:16 The Cost of the Work Persona
15:21 Steps to Reclaim Authenticity
16:31 Practical Tips for Small Shifts
19:37 Conclusion and Call to Action
I’m Tara Kermiet, a leadership coach specializing in burnout prevention and work-life integration. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re holding it all together with duct tape and coffee. But success doesn’t have to mean running yourself ragged. I help high achievers find work-life balance and shine as badass leaders.
👉 Take my quick quiz to find out where you stand on the burnout spectrum, plus get tailored tips to help you turn things around before it’s too late. Visit: https://tarakermiet.com/free-resources/
😍 If we’re not friends yet on social media, why the heck not? Follow me on Instagram (@TaraKermiet) and/or LinkedIn (@TaraKermiet) so we can stay connected!
🎤 Got a question, a topic you want me to cover, or just want to share your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you! Send me a DM or email.
Stay balanced, stay badass, and make good choices!
Disclaimer: My content is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. For serious concerns, please consult a qualified provider.
